Following on from their victorious derby in the Royal-Borough-Rumble last week against Windsor, Maidenhead face a tricky fixture, in the form of Banbury away. Maids were made to work hard for the 5 points last week, against an industrious, much-improved Windsor side, eventually prevailing 29-0, and maintaining the 1 point advantage over Old Patesians, at the top of South West 1.

Banbury, similarly, were derby victors, overcoming neighbours Grove, 17-8, thanks largely to the boot of scrum half, Ed Phillips. With poor conditions predicted this weekend, the Bulls will be hoping that Phillips has his eye in versus Maids, and has the better of the away kicker, Tom Finnie. Back row forward, Cash Chilvers, starts for Bulls, despite a broken nose sustained against his old club Grove last week, whilst ex-Chinnor centres Sam Stoop and Matt Goode fill the 10 and 12 shirts respectively. Banbury are currently unbeaten in 7 games, and will be determined to avenge their 38-0 defeat to Maids earlier in the season.

This week, we caught up with social enigma, James Emmanuel, a self-confessed awkward recluse with a fetish for licking new carpets, and an extreme phobia of walking up stairs in front of other people…

*Nickname(s)? Diego, E-Gainz, E-Puss, Some guy called me Ian the other week.

*Occupation? Poster maker/PA for Dom Birch.

*Position? Whitey’s paternity cover.

*Former clubs? N/A, Maidenhead since 1993.

*Biggest rugby achievement to date? Playing for Maids 1s.

*Favourite food? Ribs and wings, because they’re awkward, like me.

*Dream woman/man? Cadden’s Mrs.

*Which Maids teammate would you least like to be stuck in a lift with, and why? Myke Parrott, because last time I was stuck in a lift with him, he pi$$ed all over me.

*What do you want to achieve this season? Promotion, and for Dom to accept my Facebook friend request. I’d also like to get out of the friend zone with Hollie Hutton.


Maids make a few changes this week- Will Cadden returns to the squad, and is excited about travelling to Banbury, to lick some snow, and he replaces Ross Muil, who has faked a head injury, to stay home with his girlfriend and make cupcakes. Ed Keohane misses out through a shoulder injury, sustained whilst ten-pin bowling last week, and Christoph Bart has fled the country, in fear of Donald Trump coming into power. Lewis ‘Lunch-Money’ Jones will be shoe-horned into the number 3 shirt, and will celebrate his 50th cap. Congratulations Lunch Money.

Maids team:

  1. Parrott (c)
  2. J Jones
  3. L Jones
  4. Churchyard
  5. Emmanuel
  6. White
  7. Macauley
  8. Long
  9. Hill
  10. Thompson
  11. Lewis
  12. Hannigan
  13. Skelton
  14. Prince
  15. Finnie
  16. Britton
  17. Cadden
  18. Burnett

Banbury team:

  1. Fox
  2. Ding
  3. Isham (c)
  4. J Mills
  5. Brock
  6. Chilvers
  7. S Mills
  8. C Phillips
  9. E Phillips
  10. Stoop
  11. Cracknell
  12. Goode
  13. Manley
  14. J Mills
  15. Briggs
  16. Key
  17. Harden
  18. TBC

Come on you Maids!