Maids v Witney

We now enter the business end of the season, just one point off the top, but just one point ahead of Newbury in 3rd, who we entertain next week. Although the whole squad were hugely disappointed to leave Grove with a loss, there is an air of optimism now, that we are through the worst of the injury and unavailability crisis, and can push on in the last 8 games and achieve promotion.

Standing in our way, next up, is Witney, constituency of former Prime Minister, David Cameron, who will be hoping to get one over on current PM, Theresa May from Maidenhead. Boat race for a bonus point? Nic Jones will no doubt be delighted to welcome Mr Cameron to Braywick, where he can discuss his pig fetish, with a fellow fan.

Former 1st XV skipper Richie Craig will strictly be on the side lines coaching tomorrow, despite having made a few playing appearances this season, as well as receiving his customary yellow cards. Upfront, ‘Big Al Richens’ will don the tighthead shirt, and look to give a solid platform for his backline, whilst skipper and scrum half, Gareth Campbell will be tasked with marshalling them. Winger, Lewis Collins, will be one to watch out for on the AGP, for the Maids back 3- he has searing pace, and scored impressively off first phase in the reverse fixture at Witney earlier in the season.

For Maidenhead, making his first start of the season for the 1st XV, is club oddball, Mark Childerhouse. Let’s see what filth he decided to spout this week…

*Nickname(s)? Chills, Chillers, Chilli, Gok Wan, ‘orrible little thing.

*Occupation? PA for my Dad.

*Position? Reverse gargoyle.

*Former clubs? Redingensians (before they got good), Wycombe.

*Biggest rugby achievement to date? Player of the month February 2016. Boom.

*Favourite food? Egg sandwich

*Dream woman/man? Becky Baxter

*Which Maids teammate would you least like to be stuck in a lift with, and why? Tom Finnie- he’s a man on the edge, and he’s about to snap.

*What do you want to achieve this season? Get back with my fit ex-girlfriend, and hope that my Dad doesn’t find out about my weird little lunchtime habit.

Right on time, Maids will be delighted to welcome back senior players Ed Keohane, Ryan Long, Nic Jones and Ross Muil from injury, with Perry Jansen now back after a spiritual getaway to find himself. Will Cadden would be back this week, but he’s still sitting in the stands trying to figure out the handling drill from Tuesday, and Murray Barratt is hoping for a pass from his Mrs, after his feelings towards the Crossfit coach were made public in the last match preview. Russ Bolton has made the tactical decision of placing James Emmanuel on the bench, so he can wind up Richie Craig all game from close proximity, whilst Lunch Money Lewis switches to tighthead, despite the recent attention from his recent single ‘Bills’, as illustrated in the clubhouse.

Maids team:

  1. Parrott (c)
  2. P Jones
  3. L Jones
  4. Barratt
  5. Churchyard
  6. Muil
  7. Macauley
  8. Long
  9. Childerhouse
  10. Jansen
  11. Prince
  12. Hannigan
  13. Keohane
  14. Bart
  15. Finnie
  16. Britton
  17. Emmanuel
  18. Thompson


Witney team:

  1. Fuller
  2. Merriman
  3. Richens
  4. Webb
  5. Mortimer
  6. Coe
  7. S Collins
  8. Allen
  9. G Campbell (c)
  10. Lamb
  11. L Collins
  12. Godfrey
  13. Clarke
  14. Lambourne
  15. Lewis
  16. Copperwheat
  17. C Campbell
  18. Foggett

Come on you Maids!