Maids continue their title-quest this week, away from home again, this time travelling to Oxfordshire neighbours, Oxford Harlequins. The 68-22 defeat of Quins at Braywick before Xmas, has turned out to be a real catalyst for their upturn in form, during the 2nd half of this season. Quins have won 7 of the last 9, and drawn one, which was away at Grove 2 weeks ago.

Unlike Quins, Maids didn’t have the fortune of a rest last week, and travelled to Gloucestershire, for the rearranged game against Old Centralians, seeing them turn in a professional and clinical display versus a side who will surely challenge for the league next season. They came away with all 5 points, after a 35-13 win, which sees them lead Old Pats in 2nd, by 3 points now, with just 4 matches remaining.

In the Quins line-up this week, Michael Ojo, voted Man of the Match at Braywick in November, is likely to partner skipper Allan Purchase in the 2nd row, whilst young Dion Taylor will be aiming to keep his place in the back row, after recent positive reviews of his performances. Archie Van Dijk at full back, provides Quins with a dangerous counter-attacking option, and they have their pick of options at 10, with one of Huw Dimond, Sam Watkinson and Ollie Jenner poised to start in the play-making role.

For Maidenhead this week, keeping his place in the 1st XV squad, after an impressive return against Old Cents, is young Frank Khakhumlan, who opens his heart on gender identity struggles, fetishes and general aspirations…

*Nickname(s)? Wankie, Frank-the-Tank, Lady Boy.

*Occupation? Chocolate-maker, Tinder-enthusiast (must be over 15st)

*Position? Wing, full-back, outside-centre, Reverse Cowgirl.

*Former clubs? Slough, Cardiff Met.

*Biggest rugby achievement to date? Winning the Fresher’s Cup with Cardiff Met, and being the first dual-gender player to score for Maidenhead 1st XV.

*Favourite food? Roast Dog, with noodles.

*Dream woman/man? Gareth Andrews-Jones.

*Which Maids teammate would you least like to be stuck in a lift with, and why? Will Cadden, he likes getting a little too weird.

*What do you want to achieve this season? Help the team win the league, and make Mr Gaweth weallllly happy.


Returning to the coaching set up this week, is forwards coach Mark Bates, who comes back from Margate as 2017 over-50s bare-knuckle boxing champion, whilst Russell Bolton joins him, after a week away auditioning for Love Island. A rejuvenated Nic Jones continues at hooker, after proudly completing the entire Karma-Sutra challenge in just one week, with his new girlfriend, as detailed to Perry Jansen in the physio room last night and Scott Prince makes a welcome to return to the squad after injury. Ross Muil continues to struggle with life after Charlie, amidst ‘solid rumours’ she has a begun an affair with skipper, Myke Parrott.

Maids team:

  1. Parrott (c)
  2. N Jones
  3. L Jones
  4. Bough
  5. Muil
  6. Cadden
  7. Macaulay
  8. Long
  9. Childerhouse
  10. Jansen
  11. Khakhumlan
  12. Hannigan
  13. Keohane
  14. Bart
  15. Finnie
  16. Britton
  17. Emmanuel
  18. Prince

Come on you Maids!