Maids remain in 5th position in the SW Premier table, following a 52-30 victory over Brixham at Braywick a week ago. Trailing 16-13 at the break, Maidenhead turned on the afterburners and blew the Fishermen away, in one of the best periods of rugby seen at Braywick this season. It’s a very different challenge that awaits them this Saturday though, as they make the daunting trip down to Devon, to face 2nd placed Newton Abbott, who have started the season in red hot form.
The Devon All Whites, led by hooker Dean Avery have just the solitary loss to their name this season, being beaten away at league leaders Dings Crusaders, who had an unblemished record until last week, when Camborne got the result of the round- their patched-up side winning 22-20. Maids will be hoping for something similar themselves, but know they face an uphill task at Rackerhayes. A familiar name in the Newton Abbott side is outside centre Matt Jess, who played for Premiership champions Exeter last season on the wing, and the Maids backline will have to do their best to contain him. Full back Avery-Wright is an accomplished kicker, so discipline will have to be good, whilst upfront, the Newton Abbott lineout catch and drive, orchestrated by Colin Stewart is another weapon in their armoury.
Plagued by injuries and unavailabilities this week, Maids travel to Devon with lots of new faces, all of whom come into the game after excelling in the 2nd XV this season, and very much deserve their place in this matchday squad. One of the absentees this week, David Cole, got caught in a chicken nugget coma and then couldn’t be bothered to take the time out of his unemployed day to answer a few questions, so we briefly caught up with Maidenhead skipper, Myke Parrott…
*Name/nicknames: Parrott, Paz, Paz Mans, Tubby Tom, Augustus Gloop, Dean Windass, Coke Can, Fat Milky Bar Kid, Winnie Pooh, Skips, Dom Birch Jnr.
*Occupation: Agony Aunt to the majority of our high maintenance, molly-coddled, sexually confused senior squad. Own a recruitment business.
*Which Maids teammate would you least like to be stuck on a desert island with? A few contenders, and in reality, I wouldn’t want to be stuck with any of them. Cadden’s chat would take a whole 3 minutes to drive me insane, Andy Darlo would just whinge that he was hungry, whilst Lewis Jones would ask annoying questions all day. However, although he is the nicest fella in the squad, I’d have to say Carole Smillie aka Will Runciman. He’s just too happy and smiley, and I know I wouldn’t be able to handle it.
*Which Maids teammate would you want to be stuck on a desert island with? Pumba Jones, although annoying, might be able to sniff out some truffles for us, but I’d need someone quiet, who wouldn’t bug me, so I’ll say Laurence Leonard. Fairly confident I could ‘turn’ him as well.
*What’s your favourite TV Programme? Love the Jeremy Kyle show, but Bailiffs has to be my favourite. The look on their miserable faces when the heroic bailiffs take everything just warms the cockles inside.
*What hobbies do you have outside of rugby? Currently plotting Dave Cole’s initiation, which is taking up a lot of time, but apart from that, trying to stop my 3 year old stealing things from Poundland, and calling her Mum a ‘bellend’. But if the cap fits? Smart kid…
*If you could choose; what animal would you be and why? I’m really into Mooses at the moment, after Will Cadden’s excellent impressions really endeared them to me, but I’d probably opt for a hippo, as due to their reputation for killing humans, they just get left alone to roll in mud all day- sounds perfect.
*What do you want to achieve this season, both personally, and as a team? Would like Dom Birch to finally accept my Facebook friend request, and invite me for a sleepover. As a team, I want us just to have fun, be even tighter as a squad, enjoy our socials, and with that, results will come.
Nic Jones is absent this week, with his PGCE (Pig Genital Correction Enthroscopy), whilst fellow front row boys Andrew and Mark Darlington are representing the Netherlands against Moldova, for which we all wish them the very best of luck. Will Macaulay and Ryan Long have opted for a day at Nirvana spa together, whilst Tom King has his last Saturday of Community Service, taking William Cadden to the seaside to make sandcastles. Congratulations must go to Mike Andrew, awarded best fancy dress prize at the Halloween Party, for his strikingly accurate depiction of a paedophile- it’s hoped he’ll make the long trip to Newton Abbott, with fellow hooligan Ted Keohane for a scrap with the locals and a visit to the local strip club. Debutants Sam Angell and Jon Cranton are currently tied for award of worst chat, so vying for the ultimate prize of a journey home alongside Jockstrap John.
1. M Parrott (c)
2. L Jones
3. S Hyland
4. S Hallett
5. J Lavin
6. A McGregor
7. L Leonard
8. J Cranton
9. M Childerhouse
10. W Runciman
11. R Lewis
12. A French
13. E Keohane
14. S Prince
15. P Jansen
16. P Savage
17. J Bough
18. S Angell
Come on you Maids!