Following a superb bonus point, 52-30 victory over 3rd-placed Bournemouth last week, Maids head into their 2nd derby of the season full of confidence, looking to break into the top 3 and claim the Berkshire bragging rights, in what is the first league fixture at 1st XV level between them and Bracknell for 10 years.

No doubt, the standout name in the Bracknell line-up is former London Irish and Tonga number 8, Chris Hala’Ufia. Famed for his uncompromising style of play and big hits, he’ll be looking to get his team on the front foot, and provide quick ball for young fly half Vic Hardwicke. At full back, Cam Macdonald, a loan signing from Chinnor, is one to watch, whilst skipper James Ingle is likely to partner Hala’Ufia in the back row, along with youngster Tom Scott. For the Lily Hill Park men, defeat a week ago to bottom side, Hornets, 42-17 means they currently occupy a place in the bottom half of the South West Premier table, something they will be determined to rectify by beating their Berkshire neighbours tomorrow.

Standing in their way, is arguably the biggest Maids pack in recent memory, and one of the form players in that pack, is ex-Maids Colt, Will Cadden, who we caught up with this week in an attempt to get an insight into his very confused, badly-wired brain…

 

*Name/nicknames- Cads, Cadden, Moose, Swan, ‘The 3-eyed Raven’, Bran, DADDY, ‘NAUGHTY DADDY’.

*Position(s)- Head in hands, weeping after being dumped. Flanker.

*Occupation- Animal impressionist.

*Which Maids teammate would you least like to be stuck on a desert island with, and why? Lewis ‘Pumba’ Jones- his poorly calf muscle would require too much attention.

* Which Maids teammate would you most like to be stuck on a desert island with, and why? Perry Jansen, because I know he hates being stuck alone with me for more than 10 minutes. It would kill him.

*What’s your favourite TV Programme? I like Peppa Pig and Art Attack.

*What hobbies do you have outside of rugby? I enjoy being in a clique with Churchy and Chills, and neglecting the other boys. I’ve also rather enjoyed baiting my psycho ex-girlfriend over the last 6 months.

*If you could be any animal, what would you be and why? Easy. I’d be a pre-historic moose, so I could roam the forests and bellow all day every day.

*What would you like to achieve this season, both personally, and as a team? As a team, beat Dings and Newton Abbott at home, on a personal level, learn my 3 times table, not get dumped by current, fit girlfriend (again), and not get stabbed by the ex-girlfriend.

 

George Blewitt returns to the squad, after a couple of weeks out, taking his labra-poodle to Crufts, while Sam Angell has lost enough weight to squeeze into the number 12 shirt, so is allowed to start. Another returnee, is Sam Churchyard, staunch Britain First supporter, delighted with recent social media activity from Donald Trump- he starts in the row, next to left-wing, socialist hippy Karol Poborsky aka Sammy Hallett, which makes for fascinating political debate during breaks in play.

Christoph Bart, although injured, has been promoted into a leadership position with the Maids Ultras, and takes his place on the terraces alongside lifelong hooligan Ted Keohane, hoping for a Maidenhead victory off the pitch. Will Macaulay continues his spell on the sidelines, and will attempt to watch the game in relative peace, away from Jockstrap John and a pissed-up Prinny, while Dom Birch is likely to be present, cheering on Bracknell, following a rough week of job application rejection emails from Stonor Marketing.

 

Maids team:

1.       M Parrott (c)

2.       M Darlington

3.       A Darlington

4.       S Churchyard

5.       S Hallett

6.       W Cadden

7.       R Long

8.       D Cole

9.       M Childerhouse

10.   W Runciman

11.   G Blewitt

12.   S Angell

13.   E Keohane

14.   S Prince

15.   P Jansen

16.   S Hyland

17.   L Leonard

18.   A French

Come on you Maids!

 

 

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