As with last season, Maids begin their travels, with the furthest one of the year, making the long trek down to the South West, to face the Cherry and Whites, Camborne. In the opening fixture of SW Premier last campaign, Camborne streaked ahead in the 2nd half, to lead by 17 points, which was nearly overturned in a valiant last quarter for the lads, but alas they come up just short, losing out 30-27.

Star of the show that day, was no doubt fly half Dave Mankee, who put on a kicking masterclass and put his side in key positions that day, and Camborne will no doubt be looking to him to control proceedings for them this week. Outside of him, centres Jake Champion and Declan Matthews will both be a threat, whilst Jon Drew upfront at tight head will lead the team as skipper.

Although happy with a bonus point win, Maids will be disappointed at conceding 28 points to Brixham, in a game in which they dominated, and in all honesty, never really looked like not winning. As is the case with most teams at this level, when chances came their way, they took them, and got points on the board.

Despite having all summer to plan their diaries, various members of the squad are unavailable this week, and coupled with some fresh injuries, there is a much-changed line up which will don the magenta shirts for this fixture. Moving up from the 2nd row, to take his place at number 8 this week, to replace Dave ‘The Flake’ Cole, is the one and only, Big Gay Bez, Andy Berry, who we spoke to this week, in an attempt to learn a little more about the mysterious red-headed sleep-enthusiast.

*Name – Andy Berry

*Nickname(s) – Bez, Bezza, Big Gay Bez, BGB, Dale, Winnie.

*Position(s) – Hybrid 5/6/8/12

*Strengths – Sleep, weight loss, jigsaw puzzles, prank phone calls to Dom.

*Weaknesses – Beer, hair colour, complexion, sunlight.

*Occupation – Sales Manager

*If you could be any of your teammates, who would you be and why? Foxley, he makes rugby look easy, and he seems to have integrated into the squad with far greater ease than I have. Maybe I’ve picked up some of Eric’s weird social habits.

*Which teammate would you least like to have round for dinner? I’d go for my inferior ginger colleague, Niall Crosley- I’ve already got sore knees from carrying him and the rest of the backs last weekend.

*What hobbies do you have outside of rugby? Golf, canoeing, playing with the Darlos, constructing model aeroplanes and trolling Myke Parrott in Whatsapp groups.

*Tell us something we don’t know about you – I passed my motorbike test this week, which means I can soon travel to and from training without listening to Andy Darlo moan about lineouts.

*What are your aspirations for this season? Maintain best ginger centre at the club status, win some silverware and avoid being seated next to Jockstrap John on the coach.


Unfortunately, after various driving and drugs offences, last season’s coach driver, Somalian Sam has been deported, to be replaced by Moroccan Martin, who will also double up as the club’s emergency physio, for when Mandingo Ali doesn’t bother getting out of bed. Luckily, Sam Churchyard and his weird hiking crew have raised enough cash to pay for his shoes and driving license. Eric Blewitt is a doubt for the game, having suffered a panic attack at the thought of having to socialize for 6 hours on the coach back, whilst Will Runciman is away for the weekend, with Alex French shopping for a new bag. Lawrence Leonard will be the sole squad member not wearing the new stash, after selling it to help settle his bill from the Honeypot last week, but still owes Chief Pimp, Umar Marriott £2k for his ‘upstairs activity’ with Tom King.

Maids team (caps in brackets)


1.       M Parrott (c) (181)

2.       M Darlington (21)

3.       A Darlington (23)

4.       S Hallett (26)

5.       L Leonard (25)

6.       T Muil (2)

7.       T King (13)

8.       A Berry (2)

9.       K Grey (debut)

10.   A Lubbock (4)

11.   M Childerhouse (104)

12.   R Hannigan (27)

13.   E Blewitt (13)

14.   S Prince (37)

15.   M Roddick (13)

16.   U Marriott (6)

17.   S Churchyard (75)

18.   J Cranton (5)


Come on you Maids!