Away from home, on grass, outside of Berkshire, we won a game! Not only did we win, but we won well, against a tough Drybrook side, who are certainly not in this league to make up the numbers. The feeling from inside the camp, is that this Maids side is different to that of previous years, and the mature performance at ‘The Mannings’ a week ago, to seal a 29-7 win is hopefully the start of much improved performances on the road this season.

This week, we face another unknown quantity, with the visit of Exeter University to Braywick, in what is believed to be the first meeting between the sides. The Students have had an admirable start to life in South West Premier, winning their opening two matches against Drybrook and Weston, before narrow losses against Exmouth and Ivybridge. We know little about our opposition this week, but match reports suggest they play for 80 mins, often ending games strongly, so the boys in magenta should be prepared for lots of running!

Talking of running, one man who does all he can to avoid any such exertion is the infamous David Cole, who managed to spare 10 minutes from his privileged unemployment to send back some half-arsed answers for this weeks’ player interview…

*Name – David Cole

*Nickname(s) – Coley, ‘The Slug’, ‘The Flake’, Flakey, Roger Dodger

*Position(s) – Backrow, but not 6 or 7.

*Strengths – Helping us keep our width, scoring hat-tricks, scrummaging, dodging work, sneaking home early.

*Weaknesses – Commitment, work, receiving headbutts, initiations, Rob’s warm ups. *It was at this point in the interview that Flakey declared he “didn’t have time” to do the rest, and needed a 3 hour break, before continuing.

*Occupation – Dog sitter

*If you could be any of your teammates, who would you be and why? I would most like to be Eric Blewitt- he never seems to know what’s happening, and is always happy and positive because of this, like a little special needs Labrador puppy.

*Which teammate would you least like to have round for dinner? Lawrence Leonard, despite having a ‘girlfriend’, he’d soon get tanked up and try to drag me to the Honeypot.

*What hobbies do you have outside of rugby? Slouching

*Tell us something we don’t know about you – I used to have a job.

*What are your aspirations for this season? To bulk up, get a reply from Big Don and get promoted.

 

Ed Keohane hasn’t argued with the coaches once this week, so keeps his place at inside centre, whilst ‘Cow Head’, Rorie Hannigan hasn’t been heard from since Sunday 2pm, when trying to instigate fights over Whatsapp. On the subject of Whatsapp, the “Slag’s Supper” group is in full force, with the WAGs dangerously close to organizing their next social, featuring 5pm puking, 6pm tears and 7pm break-ups. Club pervert, Mike Andrew is taking full advantage of Don Birch’s absence this week, with his eyes glued to the CCTV set up in the changing rooms, ably assisted by Jockstrap John who last week proclaimed that he has ‘killed a dog’ and once ‘knocked out a horse with one punch’.

 

Mark Childerhouse was due to be rested this week, but Daddy intervened and put a tab behind the bar for Boughy, so he keeps his place, while Lewis Jones retains his place in the squad, because nobody else has a speaker for the changing room. Welcome back to Alex French, who starts on the wing for the 2s this week- he’ll be desperate to get over that white line and bag a couple of scores and stake a claim for a 1st team spot next week.

 

Maids team (caps in brackets):

1.       M Parrott (c) (184)

2.       M Darlington (24)

3.       A Darlington (26)

4.       S Churchyard (78)

5.       R Long (122)

6.       T Muil (5)

7.       W Macaulay (38)

8.       D Cole (21)

9.       M Childerhouse (107)

10.   W Runciman (23)

11.   E Blewitt (16)

12.   E Keohane (108)

13.   N Crosley (3)

14.   M Roddick (15)

15.   O Foxley (2)

16.   L Jones (81)

17.   L Leonard (27)

18.   M Davies (26)

 

Come on you Maids!

 

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