Well, the less said about last week’s performance, the better. Fair play to Weston Super Mare, who turned up to Braywick, with an effective game plan, which was executed perfectly, and they deservedly won on the day. We wish them all the best for the rest of the season and have no doubt they will climb the table if they keep performing like that.
One of the best things about rugby, is being able to get back on the park a week later, and right some wrongs, which is exactly what Maids will be looking to do, as they travel to Newton Abbott. The ‘All Whites’ as they are known, have had a similar start to that of Weston this season- lots of close losses, but last week was a wake-up call, and all in the Maids camp know that nobody can be taken lightly in this league, especially a side featuring a former Premiership winner in Matt Jess, who is player/coach of the home side and very much a talisman for them. Former Plymouth Albion and Brixham fly half Tom Putt is likely to start, so discipline will be absolutely key for Maidenhead, as will the centre partnership of Hannigan and Keohane, who will be tasked with keeping Jess, and the dangerous Kevin Dennis at inside centre, quiet.
For Maids, this week sees new boy Niall Crosley revert to his favoured wing position, and he is the feature of this weeks’ player interview, where he took his sweet time to mumble some half-arsed answers for us;
Name: Niall Crosley
Nickname(s)- ‘Ginge’, ‘Naz’, ‘Rowan’, ‘Linebreak’, ‘Frank the Tank’, ‘Shiv’s punchbag’, ‘BGN’, ‘Beta Ginge’.
Strengths- Initiations, taking punches, Johnny B Good, sun burn.
Weaknesses- Chat, linebreaks, dildo-hands, pre-game presentation, bus drivers, domestic abuse.
Occupation- Sitting in the office at London Irish in decent stash, listening to Ainsley Campbell talk garbage, wishing I’d got a proper coaching job.
If you could be any of your teammates, who would you be and why? Olly Foxley because he’s the real Alpha Male.
Which teammate would you least like to have over for dinner? Pumba, but if he knocks me out, I’ll forgive him.
What hobbies do you have outside of rugby? learning self-defence, asking Parrott about meet times and getting kicked off London buses.
Tell us something we don’t know about you- I have the current world record for amount of Pukka Pies eaten in 5 minutes (7.5).
What are your aspirations for this season? To make a linebreak, and help the team get promoted.
The Maids lads will be eagerly awaiting the identity of the coach driver tomorrow morning, and all are hopeful of the return of ‘Afghani Annie’, who did a sterling job on the way back from Exmouth, even stopping the bus on the motorway, to give the boys more time away from their WAGS. Big Don Birch is delighted with how his week has gone- after successfully getting parking tickets on the players’ cars and taking a cut from the council, he further boosted his coffers by selling lineout calls to Newton Abbott, and even managed to drive away Prinny for a few days by turning off the Becks.
Scott Prince is back in the 1st XV, after guaranteeing that his Mrs would be present at all home games he features in, and there is also a return to the squad for Ed Keohane, whose new wife has already had enough of his incoherent mumblings on honeymoon, compounded by the hogging of the karaoke machine every night, for his renditions of ‘A Little Respect’. Ryan Long continues his absence from the squad, he is currently a contestant on BBC’s ‘The Apprentice’, where he hopes to convince Lord Sugar that his Maids RFC- themed nightclub coaches which only travel between Maids and Devon, are worthy of his investment. ‘Shuggs’ is receptive to the idea, but is struggling with Longy’s preferred method of communication, the shrug, something they are trying to overcome. Ted Keohane has had a cracking week on the terraces, storming the pitch at West Ham in a Scream mask, and then hitting Neil Lennon with a coin at the Edinburgh derby on Wednesday, he misses out on the trip to Newton Abbott, owing to bail conditions.
Everyone at the club would like to extend their sincere thanks to Tom King, who, after sustaining his latest in a long line of shoulder injuries, has taken the decision to retire from rugby. Since coming to Braywick last season, Tom has been a huge asset to Maids- his hard-hitting, no-nonsense approach to the game has seen him win multiple man of the match awards, and his contribution to the club off the pitch (mainly on the bus trips), has been highly entertaining. We have loved having Tom as part of the squad at Braywick, and just wish it had been for a little longer. We wish him all the best, and hope he comes down to support when he can. Always a part of the Maids family Kingy!
Maids team (caps in brackets):
- M Parrott (c) (188)
- M Darlington (28)
- L Jones (85)
- S Churchyard (81)
- A Berry (8)
- L Leonard (30)
- W Macaulay (41)
- D Cole (25)
- C Morgan (4)
- W Runciman (27)
- S Prince (38)
- R Hannigan (31)
- E Keohane (110)
- N Crosley (7)
- O Foxley (6)
- A Darlington (28
- T Muil (9)
- A Lubbock (9)
Come on you Maids!