This round of fixtures takes us to the halfway mark of the 2018/19 season, and what better way to finish the first half of the campaign, than with a big derby against our Berkshire rivals, Bracknell. Despite Maids’ outstanding victory against Bournemouth, ending their impressive 11-game unbeaten streak last Saturday, they will be cautious of a dangerous Bracknell team, who have just the solitary loss on home soil so far this season, when Bournemouth prevailed 13-3.

Bracknell will be led out at Lily Hill by hooker Michael Clarke, who will be hoping for a repeat of his fine personal performances in the derby fixtures last season, and he’ll be joined in the front row by new recruit, Elliot Bellman, and also former Bath and Ospreys prop, Ken Dowding. Youngster, and former Welly boy, Thomas Spencer-Jones has impressed from openside so far this season, and he’ll be hoping to get the nod to start in the back row, whilst in the backline, it’s another youngster, Vic Hardwicke, who will be charged with running the game from fly half. Cam McDonald at wing or centre has plenty of tries already this season, so will be one to watch out for, and the Maids midfield will have to try and keep Kiwi centre Jason Henry quiet- he’s a big carrier for the home team, and could prove pivotal in wet conditions.

For Russ Bolton’s men, there are welcome returns to the squad for Mikey Davies and sexy Max Roddick, with Ryan Long replacing Laurence Leonard in the 6 shirt, and Leonard reverting to the bench. Stepping into the number 10 shirt this week is the sober, oddball eccentric, Adam Lubbock, who took time out from getting roasted by the sandpit crew, to answer a few questions.

Name: Adam Lubbock

 

Nickname(s) – “Lubbsie”, “Lubbs”, “Mr Lubba Lubba”, “The Snake Charmer”, “Ads”, “ADHD Adam”.

 

Position(s) – Fly half/centre/Will Runciman’s understudy

 

Strengths – Getting ill the day before big games when we have no other backs, missing tackles, right hand passing, snake charming, keeping the bench warm, Instagram.

 

Weaknesses – Tackling, left hand passing, starting games, putting on weight, Whatsapp arguments with Elio and Myles.

 

Occupation – PT/MILF Tamer

 

If you could be any of your teammates, who would you be and why? I’d be Owen Langstone or Levi Meek, they don’t get picked on by Myles or Elio like I do.

 

Which teammate would you least like to have over for dinner? Has to be ‘Chavvy Chase’ aka Ceri Morgan, I literally don’t understand a word he says, and he’d nick my telly if I popped to the loo.

 

What hobbies do you have outside of rugby? I play naked piano for old people, for whom I have an unnatural fetish.

 

Tell us something we don’t know about you – I didn’t play against Barnstaple, because I needed to be at my computer to register for Robbie Williams tickets.

 

What aspirations do you have for this season? – start 2 games in a row, nick that playoff spot and find out Big Ron’s favorite colour.

 

To the delight of everyone, Will Cadden has been formally banned from the club for the foreseeable future for consistent ‘piking’ of drinks, crisps and anything else he can get his hands on, but luckily his fwends at Wichmond can take the mantle and put up with the nause moving forward. Perry Jansen is off ‘doing a Foxley’ this weekend, so is unavailable, but it is hoped that Todd Muil and Myke Parrott can overcome their recent serious injuries- a cut ear and dead arm respectively. Niall Crosley, buoyed by his first ever line break last week continues at centre, and is partnered by new signing Dylan ‘Denzel’ Baptista, who has swiftly been added to “Ellie’s list”. Big Ted Keohane will be looking to return to the scene of the crime last year, and has vowed to “find the little ***** who nicked my Guinness”, before later venturing into town with some underage drinkers for a fight with the bouncers at the Bear.

Big Ron has struggled to shift the fire logs he is giving away for free, so if anyone would like some high quality, locally-sourced firewood, please give him a call urgently, on 07715 965534. He usually picks up on the 3rd or 4th call, so if you don’t get through, please keep trying.

 

Maids team (caps in brackets)

1.       M Parrott (c) (192)

2.       M Darlington (30)

3.       A Darlington (29)

4.       S Churchyard (85)

5.       A Berry (11)

6.       R Long (127)

7.       W Macaulay (44)

8.       D Cole (29)

9.       C Morgan (8)

10.   A Lubbock (12)

11.   S Prince (42)

12.   D Baptista (3)

13.   N Crosley (11)

14.   M Davies (29)

15.   M Roddick (18)

16.   L Jones (89)

17.   L Leonard (33)

18.   T Muil (11)

 

Come on you Maids!

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