Maids v Exmouth (home)

Maids v Exmouth (home)

Maids will be doing their best to bounce back from a disappointing loss away to Exeter University last week, which saw them return home without even a bonus point to show for their efforts. Maids felt the full force of a 1st string Exeter Uni side, who don’t recommence BUCS League commitments for another week yet. The Students were good value for their win, and all at Braywick hope they can continue to cause a few upsets in this final stretch of the season, and hopefully assist Maids in their quest for that coveted 2nd place spot.

It’s another tough fixture for Maids, as a confident Exmouth side arrive from Devon, fresh from an impressive 43-32 victory over rivals Ivybridge last week. Their beefed up pack feature Nick Halse at hooker, who packed down at prop in the reverse fixture, and he is flanked by Shane Cooper, who was absent from the game in October, and new signing Charlie Tribble, who has recently joined from Taunton. Dave Bargent, normally back row, fills in at 12 this week, with normal inside centre Mark Wathes pushed to the wing, with player/coach Tom Whelan at full back.

There are a few enforced changes this week, but after impressing off the bench last week, Perry Jansen makes his first start since his latest holiday after the Bournemouth game. He took some time away from fancy lunches and dodging training to give us his thoughts…

Name- Perry Jansen

Nickname(s)- ‘Pel’, ‘Pel Fire’, ‘Pez’, ‘Pez Dog’, ‘Jerry Pansen’, ‘Perry Greenwood’, ‘Paolo di Canio’.

Position(s)- 9, 10, 11, 13, 14, 15

Strengths- Heads up (animal version), articulate, poaching eggs, being better than Jaryd, pace, taking holidays.

Weaknesses- following instructions, Flea’s belly button, kicking for posts, cold and wet weather, playing 2s, staying for the whole season.

Occupation- London restaurant critic.

If you could be any of your teammates, who would you be and why? Ed Keohane, what a guy. Couldn’t even get him drunk on his own stag do. Unbelievable at being hidden, not hiding from the PTC. Gets to miss games and go straight back in the 1s, all round good potato.

Which teammate would you least like to have over for dinner? Ryan Long. Be worried about what would be said to my Mrs when I wasn’t around. Sssssssslippery guy!

What hobbies do you have outside of rugby? Prank calling Dave Cole, looking after Pumba’s calves, surfing, golf, lunching.

Tell us something we don’t know about you- I was the first Indian child to attend Claire’s Court school.

What are your aspirations for this season? Push for that play-off spot, be a part of Maidenhead history, play 2 weeks in a row.

 

Maids Director of Rugby, Gareth Andrews-Jones, is delighted to clinch the signing of young back row forward Rod Muil, who will make his home debut from the bench this week, after moving from South Africa. Upon joining the club, Rod told us ‘Yar, it’s good to be here. I’m South African with a heart of stone. I’ll soon be starting at 8, with Cooley in the 2’s. Yar’. Rod has already endeared himself to his new teammates, by sticking around for the social last week, unlike his selfish cousin Todd, who hasn’t been seen for 2 weeks, but is probably off doing stuff with his other friends.

New signing Rod Muil is welcomed by DoR, Gareth Andrews-Jones

Alex French makes his first appearance of the season, that’s if he doesn’t leave shortly after starting, whilst Scott Prince is also back involved, following the completion of his ASBO for spitting at pensioners in Maidenhead High Street. Dylan Baptista misses out- he thinks everyone believes he’s injured, before then posting a picture of himself in Budapest earlier today, thus thrusting himself into the much-vaunted Sandpit Crew. On that note, Owen Langstone spends a week on the sidelines, after his tongue got stuck on the frosty bus window on Tuesday night, but fortunately Nigerian Nigel was on hand to help, after he struggled to find the exit to Braywick Park, following the return from Exeter on Saturday night.

 

 

Maids team (caps in brackets)

1.       M Parrott (c) (196)

2.       M Darlington (33)

3.       A Darlington (34)

4.       S Churchyard (90)

5.       A Berry (15)

6.       R Long (132)

7.       W Macaulay (48)

8.       D Cole (33)

9.       P Jansen (87)

10.   W Runciman (32)

11.   A French (19)

12.   C Broughton (5)

13.   N Crosley (16)

14.   S Prince (43)

15.   O Foxley (11)

16.   S Rawsthorne (8)

17.   R Muil (2)

18.   A Lubbock (14)

 

Exmouth team:

1.       Tribble

2.       Halse

3.       Cooper

4.       Fahy

5.       Richards

6.       O’Shaughnessy

7.       Harris

8.       Hawley

9.       Watkins

10.   Meadows

11.   Wathes

12.   Bargent

13.   Headley

14.   Goldson

15.   Whelan

16.   Goss

17.   Fowler

18.   Richardson

Come on you Maids!

Advertisements

Maids v Exeter University (away)

Maids v Exeter University (away)

Maids travel to Topsham this week, to face league new boys, Exeter University, aiming to make it 4 wins in a row, for the first time since the league-winning campaign of 2016/17. Results for the University have been somewhat inconsistent this year, and one can only presume that availability and selection issues hamper the home team during holiday season. This is evidenced by 34-0 and 32-10 losses to Cleve and Weston respectively before Xmas, before a stunning 38-18 victory at Ivybridge last week. With no BUCS game due until January 30th, the University should have a full complement to select from this week, so Maids know it will be a tough ask, and a very different line-up to the one they faced back in September.

Last week’s lineup saw the University field club captain Rory McMeikan in the back row, and with no midweek fixture due, he will likely continue this Saturday, whilst there was also an appearance for talented fullback, Sal M’Boge, who has featured in the ‘A’-League for Exeter Chiefs. Josh Pietersen and Harry Bazalgette were stand out performers in the reverse fixture at Braywick earlier in the season, and both featured against Ivybridge last week, so are expected to play this week also.

It’s been another pleasing selection week, with minimal changes made, and it’s only Will Macaulay missing from the team which beat Drybrook last Saturday, to be replaced by young Todd Muil, who will likely dodge the team social this week, and elect to go out with his other fwends and not invite any of the rugby lads. WE HOPE YOU HAD A GREAT BLOODY BIRTHDAY TODD.

Anyway, enough about selfish Todd, we caught up with the 9-year-old, Adonis-like sun-dodger Olly Foxley this week, to try and understand just why he needs so many holidays…

 

Name- Olly Foxley

Nickname(s)- ‘The Fox’, ‘Ginger Spice’, ‘Gingernuts’, ‘Alpha Ginge’, ‘Ruel Fox’, ‘Holiday Harry’.

Position(s)- Full back/wing/in the shade

Occupation- Still in year 7 at school.

Weaknesses- Sunlight, height, adult clothes, playing consecutive games, fruit shoots.

Strengths- Physique, rugby, shagging, holidays, kids’ train tickets.

If you could be any of your teammates, who would you be and why? Dylan Baptista- he’s massive, and people run away from him when he has the ball.

Which teammate would you least like to have over for dinner? Andy Darlington- as soon as the fun, eating part is done, he’ll be whinging about his toe and the referee, and then duck out of the washing up.

What hobbies do you have outside of rugby? Golf, shagging, gym, shagging, eating.

Tell us something we don’t know about you- I used to have my tongue pierced, and I was born in 2005.

What are your aspirations for this season? Promotion and a tan.

 

Adam Lubbock has taken a weekend off to mentally recover from the witty retorts of Elio and the Sandpit Crew, whose very own Levi Meek has recovered from ‘Bucket Bicep’ to take his place in the 2s line-up this weekend against Rams. Will Runciman starts at 10, and has escaped further disciplinary action after he was caught red-handed prank calling Big Ron Birch yesterday before training. Rather than suspend Runciman, Big Ron took the rather reserved, reasonable approach of simply setting his kit bag alight last night…must be going soft in his old age.

Saw Rawsthorne continues his run in the 1st XV squad, and has been assured that as long as his girlfriend continues to attend matches, he will never be dropped, regardless of performance, whilst Ryan Long has been caught adding her on Facebook already. Ted Keohane is confident he can race back home post-match in time for his curfew, he couldn’t resist the temptation of lobbing bricks at some scrounging students, and he’ll be joined on the sidelines by Maids pervert, Mike Andrew, who will be visiting the student campus for very different reasons.

Maids team (caps in brackets):

1.       M Parrott (c) (195)

2.       M Darlington (32)

3.       A Darlington (33)

4.       S Churchyard (89)

5.       L Leonard (37)

6.       A Berry (14)

7.       R Long (131)

8.       D Cole (32)

9.       C Morgan (12)

10.   W Runciman (31)

11.   D Baptista (7)

12.   C Broughton (4)

13.   N Crosley (15)

14.   M Roddick (22)

15.   O Foxley (8)

16.   S Rawsthorne (7)

17.   T Muil (13)

18.   P Jansen (85)

 

Come on you Maids!

Maids v Drybrook (home)

Maids v Drybrook (home)

Welcome to the first home game of 2019, where we welcome newly-promoted Drybrook to Braywick. With 11 games left remaining, Maids currently sit in 4th place, just 5 points off the much-coveted playoff place, currently occupied by Barnstaple, who are still to come to Maids. 3rd place Ivybridge were defeated by tomorrow’s visitors at ‘The Mannings’, so all the boys will be wary of a side that is more than capable of upsetting the form book.

Back in September, in awful conditions, the Maids pack powered to victory, sealing a bonus point win, to prevail 29-7. However, with dry weather due, combined with the artificial pitch at Braywick, the dangerous Drybrook backline will be confident of an upset.

Player/coach, Tim Stevenson lines up at fly half for the visitors- an accomplished kicker and game manager, he will be vital to any success the Forest of Dean side might have in this match up. Ben Large at inside centre will skipper the side, whilst upfront Will Greenway in the second row, and Sam Peaper at 7 were standout performers earlier in the season.

For Maids, new signing, and former Championship flyer, Charlie Broughton continues at centre, but it’s another new addition we spoke to this week, Dylan Baptista. Baptista has joined the club mid-season, and the powerful winger, who also plays International rugby for Zimbabwe continued his fine try-scoring form, with a double against Cleve last week. Here’s what he had to say…

Name- Dylan Baptista

Nickname(s)- Denzel (from Only Fools and Horses), Big D, Thighs, Wendell Sailor.

Position(s)- Wing, not centre

Occupation- Priority Engineer Complaints Handler. Customer Service in a nutshell, getting shouted at.

Weaknesses- Fitting into the 11 shirt, making Longy laugh/talk/smile, catching, passing, general happy demeanour.

Strengths- running straight, male grooming, winning MoM based on looks, bench press, sniffing glue.

If you could be any of your teammates, who would you be and why? I’d be Andrew Darlington. I’d love to experience this ‘Turf Toe’ he claims to have, which miraculously appears every time we do fitness.

Which teammate would you least like to have over for dinner? Tom King- I’m not sure having a member of the EDL over for tea would go down too well with the family.

What hobbies do you have outside of rugby? I enjoy fishing trips and legal highs.

Tell us something we don’t know about you- I have a small scar on my face, from when I was attacked with a knife in a Staines nightclub.

What are your aspirations for this season? Help the club achieve history, by sealing a playoff spot, and have a sleepover at Big Ron’s house.

 

Laurence Leonard continues to play his final few games before Maidenhead’s finest, Theresa May, implements Brexit, and gets the little tinker booted out of the country, while Will Macaulay has escaped a recent driving ban, as he simply blamed Churchy. Andy Darlington was a doubt for the game, after brother Mark nearly forgot to wash his kit for him, but luckily Andy Berry stepped in, and left work early to help him out and then put him in the bath, in Mark’s absence. Lewis Jones, in his quest to get fit, has decided to take a break from rugby, his only form of exercise, while Myles Williamson has sadly been hampered with ‘Spade Elbow’, after his play date with Elio Mandozzi.

Drybrook team:

1.       Seville

2.       Stretch

3.       Beattie

4.       Greenway

5.       Renton

6.       Frowen

7.       Peaper

8.       Bourne

9.       Clancy

10.   Stevenson

11.   Moore

12.   Large

13.   Price

14.   Baldwin

15.   Winfield

16.   Hale

17.   Howells

18.   Watts

 

Maids team (caps in brackets)

1.       M Parrott (c) (194)

2.       M Darlington (31)

3.       A Darlington (32)

4.       S Churchyard (88)

5.       A Berry (13)

6.       R Long (130)

7.       W Macaulay (47)

8.       D Cole (31)

9.       C Morgan (11)

10.   W Runciman (30)

11.   D Baptista (6)

12.   C Broughton (3)

13.   N Crosley (14)

14.   M Roddick (21)

15.   O Foxley (9)

16.   S Rawsthorne (6)

17.   L Leonard (36)

18.   P Jansen (85)

 

Come on you Maids!