Maids v Ivybridge (home)

Maids v Ivybridge (home)

After 2 consecutive BP wins to start the season, Maids travelled to Exmouth in confident mood last weekend, albeit without Exeter Uni matchwinner Ed Keohane, who was unavailable. After a ding-dong battle of a game, that really could have gone either way, eventually the power of the home side front 5 saw them sneak a win, 32-30, with Maids returning with 2 hard-fought losing bonus points, which may yet prove to be pivotal.

It’s another Devon team up next for Maids, as Ivybridge travel to the Braywick Bowl fresh off the back of a demolition job against Launceston last Saturday, which saw them run out 69-14 victors. Over the last 2 seasons, form has followed the home sides, but Maids will be wary of a young, but dangerous visiting team, who very nearly won at Exmouth on the opening day, before conceding a late try, to draw 17-17.

The familiar faces of Matt Finn, Jon Morgan and Jay Geraty (their new skipper this term) make up the front row, and are a formidable scrummaging unit, which Maids need to be wary of, whilst Scoles and Ackerman on the wings, though diminutive in size, have real pace and will enjoy the AGP surface, which they’ll very much be used to, after having one installed last season.

For Maids this week, earning his 4th consecutive start, is new-boy Joe Parkin, who kindly answered a few questions for this weeks’ match preview:


Name- Joe Parkin

Nickname(s)- Joey, Joey P, JP, Bolo, Sh!tpants, UK Parkin Control.

Occupation- currently shine Chris Campbell’s shoes in the RAF, bring him coffee, make his bed, rub his back etc. He’s a great boss, and he even let me borrow hismobile to call my Mum the other night, to tell her I scored last week.

Position- Scrum half.

Former clubs- Exmouth, Withycombe.

Biggest rugby achievement to date- Playing at Twickenham in the RFU Senior Vase.

Favourite food- Chicken wings. Chris Campbell often leaves quite a bit on the bones, so I get to finish them off when he’s done.

Dream woman/man- Cher

Which Maids teammate would you least like to be stuck in a lift with? Would have to be Craig Lewis- did you know he was in the Army? Boring Pongo. Having my ear chewed off about that is worse than eating a Spicy Roger, bloody pork chop.

What do you want to achieve this season? I’d like my wrist injury to be severe enough to warrant a sleepover at Sharlene’s house.


Elio Mandozzi earns his first start of the season, despite the trouble at Watford ‘Top Golf’ last weekend, which saw the young Molinari hopeful arrested for ‘misuse of course holes’, refusing to remove his beloved Nike football boots, and ‘over-zealous digging’ in the sand bunker, whilst Mexican drug lord, Dan Hostetler starts alongside him at hooker after threatening to kidnap Mobbsy’s family if he didn’t keep his place.

Olly Foxley plays his last game before going away on Scout camp at Longridge for a week, but fellow back 3, Eric Blewitt is away on Polish National duty, which ties in perfectly for supporters Mark Bates and Steve Prince, who can attend the far-right rally on the streets of Warsaw, on Saturday night.


Newly-single Rob Muil misses the game- he travels to Shagaluf Magaluf for a lad’s holiday, hoping his ex-Mrs, Charlie doesn’t find out and he is replaced by Will Macaulay, who was recently hospitalised. Tests showed dangerous levels of cat milk in his system, for which Andy Darlington is currently being investigated by the police. Dave Cole, who chose to watch training from his car last night, coming out at 8.30, claiming to have been ‘at work’ plays at 8, whilst there is a welcome return to the squad for Rorie ‘Cow Head’ Hannigan. After being dumped just a month ago, ‘The Cow’ has moved swiftly to find a replacement, and we all look forward to meeting his new squeeze at Braywick tomorrow- the aptly named, Daisy.


Maids team (caps in brackets):

  1. M Parrott (c) (202)
  2. D Hostetler (4)
  3. E Mandozzi (15)
  4. C Campbell (3)
  5. S Hallett (31)
  6. A Berry (26)
  7. W Macaulay (56)
  8. D Cole (45)
  9. J Parkin (4)
  10. W Runciman (43)
  11. S Prince (55)
  12. E Keohane (117)
  13. N Crosley (26)
  14. B Mitchell (debut)
  15. O Foxley (17)
  16. S Curran (2)
  17. S Churchyard (98)
  18. R Hannigan (32)

Ivybridge team :

  1. J Morgan
  2. J Geraty (c)
  3. M Finn
  4. R Luscombe
  5. M Gilbury
  6. H Dunn
  7. J Kingscott
  8. A Nortcott
  9. B Watts
  10. M Grieveson
  11. D Ackerman
  12. W Lamont
  13. C Briant
  14. T Scoles
  15. D Lilley
  16. W Vermigle
  17. L Richardson
  18. J Toogood

Maids v Exmouth (away)

Maids v Exmouth (away)

Japan v South Africa, 2015, England v Australia 2003, Maidenhead v Exeter University 2019…

What an unbelievable spectacle the Braywick faithful were treated to last Saturday, down at the Bowl. If Rob Howley were a betting man (Definitely not, RFU Regulation 17), then to be trailing the supremely fit Students team by 10 points, with 8 minutes to go, on an AGP in searing heat, then his money would only have been going one way.

This Maids team are made of strong stuff though, and the early June, preseason start really bore fruit, with a strong rally towards the finish, which saw Ed Keohane squeeze over on the last play to tie the game at 43-43, before wonderfully converting from the touchline, to give Maids a 45-43 win, which they arguably deserved, after outscoring the Students, 7 tries to 4.

It is a quite different test for Mobbsy’s Men this weekend, as they make the long trek down the South West to face Exmouth, who come into the game, off the back of a thumping 76-24 victory at Launceston last Saturday. Winger Matt Ryan will be one to watch, after he scored 6 last weekend from the right wing, and fly half George Meadows successfully scored 8 conversions, so discipline will have to be good. Exmouth also feature former Hornets player-coach, Steve Pape in the 2nd row, and he’ll be a key ball-carrier for the Cockles, whilst Dave Bargent at number 8 is always a tough opponent to play against.

Thankfully, there are minimal changes to the Maids side this week, but Dreamboat, Ed Keohane does miss out, being forced to work. Sadly, Levi Meek refused to swap shifts at Lidl, so Keohane is on trolley-collection duty for the afternoon alongside Myles Williamson who has nearly finished his work placement as part of the Borough’s Care in the Community Outreach Programme.

Keeping his place in the back row, is brother of Rod, cousin of Todd, Uncle of Rob, Ross Muil. He took time out from sniffing his perfect girlfriend, Charlie, to give us his thoughts for this weeks’ Match Preview;

Name- Ross Muil

Nickname(s)- Ross Muil, Rob Muil, Rod Muil, Todd Muil, Rossy, Todd’s brother, Charlie Docker’s ex boyfriend.

Occupation- I’m a scrounging, sponging Student masquerading as a full-time worker in Corporate Finance in an attempt to look cool.

Position- Back row, not 2nd row, and if Zoran Higgins picks me there again, then my pal John Boy Tio will tie him up, stick him in the container, and make him listen to his half-time team talks on repeat.

Former clubs- Leeds and Moortown.

Biggest rugby achievement- Being edged out in the Varsity game at Headingly, 51-5 by Leeds Beckett.

Favourite food- lasagne is nice, so are burgers. You don’t need a plate for burgers, which just gives them the edge over lasagne.

Dream Man/Woman- John Boy Tio can sink 2 litres of cider in 2 minutes, I think that’s pretty dreamy.

Which Maids teammate would you least like to be stuck in a lift with, and why? It would have to be Levi Meek, he’d be trying to convince me to join his sandpit crew.

What do you want to achieve this season? I’d like to get on Dave Cole’s good side, he’s so nasty to me, ever since I told Mobbs he was ducking the S & C. I would also like to try and put a stop to the fledgling relationship between my perfect ex, Charlie Docker and Myke Parrott. I have seen firsthand their long-standing explicit history on FB Messenger.

Man of the Match last week and former Cockle, Joe Parkin keeps his place at 9 against his former club, but is now under pressure, with Perry Jansen nearing the end of his annual sabbatical, and due for a return within the next 4-6 weeks. Also close to returns after injury, are the Darlington brothers (next 2 weeks), Jaryd Robinson (2 weeks) and Jack Hill (2 weeks), whilst Christoph Bart should be back in November, pending the outcome of his court case, after a man dressed as Zorro was spotted speeding away in Big Dom’s Land Rover Defender, with 5 naked women in the back singing along to Erasure.

Sam Churchyard is back in the first team squad for the first time this season, after he took his idea of baby fancy dress a bit too literally over the last couple of weeks, but Ed Atkins misses out after a theatre trip to Matilda on Tuesday, clearly not realising that new Head Coach, Mobbs is an avid Enid Blyton fan, and could not detest Roald Dahl more. Congratulations must go to our very own Eric Blewitt who has this week been invited to attend the upcoming Polish training camp in Warsaw. His recent performances certainly merit an International call up, and we know the proud Pole will relish pulling on the famous red and white jersey, no doubt with Big Trev in support.


Maids team (caps in brackets):

  1. Myke Parrott (c) (201)
  2. Dan Hostetler (3)
  3. Sam Rawsthorne (19)
  4. Chris Campbell (2)
  5. Sam Hallett (30)
  6. Andy Berry (24)
  7. Ross Muil (36)
  8. Dave Cole (44)
  9. Joe Parkin (3)
  10. Will Runciman (42)
  11. Scott Prince (54)
  12. Niall Crossley (25)
  13. Eric Blewitt (20)
  14. Mike Davies (36)
  15. Olly Foxley (16)
  16. Elio Mandozzi (14)
  17. Sam Churchyard (97)
  18. Will Cowan-Dickie (2)


Come on you Maids!

Maidenhead v Exeter University

Maidenhead v Exeter University

An outstanding defensive display on the opening game of the season ensured Maids returned from Drybrook with a hard-fought 5 points, which their fantastic rear guard action surely deserved. With only 37% possession and faced with a young, determined Drybrook side, who threw everything at them, for the whole 80 minutes, Maids returned home, having worked very hard for their points.

Drybrook are a top side, and part of a great club- they will bloody many noses this year, especially at home, and will quite comfortably improve upon their 11th placed finish last term.

Onto this week, and Maids return to the Braywick Bowl facing a very different challenge in the form of Exeter University. ‘The Students’ won 54-12 against newly-promoted Launceston last week, and no doubt will relish the fast track that the AGP at Maids offers. Last season was a roller coaster game with Maids eventually edging the contest, 41-35 in a highly-entertaining contest.

Openside flanker, Albert Slade is the younger brother of England and Exeter Chiefs star, Henry Slade, so is one to watch, whilst they have retained the services of the talented fly-half Harry Bazalgette, who featured twice against Maids last season.

Luke Mehson, who scored a hat trick for the Students last week, is unavailable, as he is representing the Chiefs in the Premiership 7s on Friday night, whilst Lasha Jaini, former Georgia under 20s lock, is also absent, after featuring a week ago.

There are minimal changes to the Maids side this week- Will Macaulay has a date at Duck and Waffle, causing Andy Darlington huge headaches, as he wonders who else he can possibly award Puss of the Week to, while Rob Muil switches to number 7 to replace him. Making his first start in nearly a year for Maids after injury, is the shoplifting hippie, Sam Hallett, who kindly lent us some of his time, to feature in this weeks’ match preview…

Name- Sam Hallett

Nicknames- Big Sam, Sally, Schem, Helmet, Sally Helmet, Ham Salad, Karol Poborsky

Position- I’m very versatile, as I can play both 4 and 5- a Coach’s dream!

Former clubs- Abbey RFC, Rams (when they were crap), Terrigle Trojans.

Biggest rugby achievement to date- has to be playing alongside my brother in over 100 senior matches. Can’t beat playing with family! Laurence Leonard taught me that.

Favourite food- without any doubt, sandwiches has to be my favourite food. You can put pretty much anything in them, but they have to be quartered, into triangles or I’m not interested.

Favourite woman/man- Laurence Leonard’s sister Aileen ticks pretty much every box for me, though saying that, Laurence himself is a bit of a dreamboat. Wouldn’t mind being the meat in a Leonard sandwich.

Which Maids teammate would you least like to be stuck in a lift with? After the tirade of verbal abuse I received from Will Runciman for forgetting to bring a water bottle on with his kicking tee last weekend, I certainly don’t think I’ll be sharing any elevators with him in the immediate future!

What do you want to achieve this season? Parrott said we weren’t allowed to say it, but PROMOTION would be nice. Also, I’d like to start up a little outreach project for the beloved sandpit, try and get them out into the community doing bits.

Tom King has somehow managed to find himself a nice girlfriend, so he is enjoying the final few weeks of being in a relationship, before she learns more about him and ends things, whilst fellow back row, Laurence Leonard is also unavailable for the foreseeable future, after his Dad found him trying to spy on his sister Aileen, in the shower. Luckily, the family are yet to find the pictures he has circulated in the player’s Whatsapp group.

Hooker, Mark Darlington remains on the sidelines, still struggling to cope with the mental anguish of his brother leaving for a new job, meaning he has to now tie his own shoelaces and button his own shirt, whilst Ed Keohane this week has spent time with a Shrink, as after 30 years, the angry traits of Big Ted have finally started to shine through, with the front row very much the victims of his vicious, angry outbursts at training. Fortunately, such is the mumbling nature of his headless rants, props Sam Curran and Myke Parrott couldn’t understand what he was trying to say, meaning the damage was minimal. Sam Hallett has offered has kindly stepped up with a remedy to help chill Ed out, post-training…

Big John ‘Tio’, the only 18 year old in Berkshire with a gold tooth continues in the 1st XV squad, whilst fellow Ealing Academy player, Will Cowan-Dickie makes his debut, after impressing for the 2nd XV last week.

Maids team (caps in brackets):

  1. Myke Parrott (c) (200)
  2. Dan Hostetler (2)
  3. Sam Rawsthorne (18)
  4. Chris Campbell (debut)
  5. Sam Hallett (29)
  6. Andy Berry (24)
  7. Rob Muil (36)
  8. Dave Cole (43)
  9. Joe Parkin (2)
  10. Will Runciman (41)
  11. Scott Prince (53)
  12. Ed Keohane (116)
  13. Niall Crossley (24)
  14. George Blewitt (19)
  15. Olly Foxley (15)
  16. Elio Mandozzi (13)
  17. Ed Atkins (6)
  18. Will Cowan-Dickie (debut)

Exeter University team:

  1. Will Cutbill
  2. Jake O’Neil
  3. Matt Johnson
  4. Jamie Yates
  5. Ioan Davies
  6. Paul Schroter
  7. Albert Slade
  8. Tom Addison
  9. Pietro Di Chio
  10. Harry Bazalgette
  11. Tommy Foot
  12. Joe Elderkin
  13. Harry Tarling
  14. Charlie Davies
  15. Toby Williams
  16. Chris Moore
  17. Finlay Richardson
  18. Lewis Bret

Come on you Maids!

Maids v Drybrook (away)

Maids v Drybrook (away)

Well, here we go again! It seems just yesterday, that we made the long trek down to Brixham, for the final game of the 2018/19 campaign, returning victorious after a fine defensive effort in the last 20 minutes awarded us a brilliant victory at the home of the Fishermen.

Much has changed since that day- new players have arrived, some have moved on, we announced an exciting partnership with Ealing Trailfinders, said goodbye to Russell Bolton, and of course, have welcomed new Head Coach, David Mobbs-Smith.

Preseason, under the watchful eye of new S&C Coach, Murray Barratt has been a long brutal slog, starting in the first week of June, and the new, slimmed-down Maids team is now raring to get going. Sadly, with the demise of Birmingham and Solihull Bees, we play this season with a side short, but on the plus side, it means 2 extra weeks of rest, which I’m sure the squad will be most grateful for.

A big welcome goes to league new boys Launceston and Okehampton, whilst Newbury Blues return to this level after relegation 2 seasons ago, to give an extra Berkshire derby to look ahead to, alongside the Bracknell fixture as well.

So, first up for Mobby’s lads, is a tricky journey up to the Mannings, to face Forest of Dean-based side, Drybrook, who enter their second season at this level, following an extremely impressive debut year, last season. Little news has come out of the opposition this preseason, but we know that impressive young Tighthead from last year, Elliott Beattie has relocated back up North, so he will definitely not be present.

Openside flanker, Kyle Frowen was often a thorn in the side last season, and is an expert operator at the breakdown, so the Maids pack will have to be wary of the canny back row, who wins plenty of penalties for his side. Tim Stevenson, player/coach at 10 has a fearsome boot on him, so discipline will have to be on point, whilst imposing 2nd row, Will Greenway, carries hard from the 2nd row, and will look to give his side plenty of front-foot ball.

For Maids, there are debuts for Dan Hostetler (hooker), Sam Curran (tighthead), Sione Funaki (2nd row), Joe Parkin (scrum half) and Charlie Dearman (centre), whilst we welcome back George Blewitt, Olly Foxley, Sam Hallett and Myke Parrott who all suffered severe injuries last season and missed large chunks of the campaign.

Best of luck to all involved, and if you don’t have any plans, get on down to the Mannings to cheer the boys on. Our young, talented 2nd XV make the short trip to Ealing, so go down and support them, if you can’t make it to Gloucestershire.

Maids team (caps in brackets):

  1. Myke Parrott (c) (199)
  2. Dan Hostetler (debut)
  3. Sam Curran (debut)
  4. Sione Funaki (debut)
  5. Ross Muil (35)
  6. Andy Berry (23)
  7. Will Macaulay (55)
  8. Dave Cole (42)
  9. Joe Parkin (debut)
  10. Will Runciman (40)
  11. Scott Prince (52)
  12. Ed Keohane (115)
  13. Niall Crosley (23)
  14. George Blewitt (18)
  15. Olly Foxley (14)
  16. Sam Rawsthorne (17)
  17. Sam Hallett (28)
  18. Charlie Dearman (debut)

Come on you Maids!