One thing that can never be said about watching Maids play at Braywick, is that supporters don’t get their money’s worth. In a game of 15 tries and 95 points last week, Maids used an early season get out of jail free card against a Cleve side who belied their lowly league position. Their backline in particular, seemed to relish the AGP, and after scoring three quick-fire tries at the beginning of the 2nd half, they had well and truly put their side in control. Fortunately, Maids, especially at home, don’t know when they are beaten. The pack turned the screw upfront, to bring them within 4 points of their opponents, and then with just a minute remaining, Dave Cole crashed over off the back of a scrum to seal the win, ably assisted by the magnificent boot of Ed Keohane, which succeeded in 7/7 attempts at goal.
This week, Maids are back on the road, travelling to the Forest of Dean, to take on league new boys Drybrook. After winning SW1 West last season, ahead of play off winners Exeter Uni, they’ve made an admirable start to life in the division, beating Exmouth at home, which has been sandwiched by away losses at Exeter Uni and Ivybridge respectively. Drybrook will know that home form is key to their survival in South West Prem this season, and will be targeting this week as an opportunity to get some points on the board. They are a young side, led by the impressive Ben Large, who recently won Rugby World’s Amateur Player of the Year- a fantastic accolade for the young Drybrook skipper, who is likely to play at 12 or 13 this week. At fly half, they have Tim Stevenson, who is an accomplished goal kicker, and he will no doubt be tasked with keeping the scoreboard ticking over for the home team.
Maidenhead will be delighted to welcome back some key players this week, Olly Foxley returns from severe sunburn incurred in the September sunshine, and Niall Crosley is back after concussion, after his Mrs belted him, for stealing her KFC. We caught up with one of the few players to emerge with credit from last week’s game, ‘The Cow’, Rorie Hannigan, to gather his thoughts…
*Name; Rorie Hannigan
*Nickname(s); Cow, Cow Head, The Cow, Rodman, Rodman Hangoon, Resh, Rozza, The Wanderer.
*Strengths; Thick skull for head butting, laugh volume, fish hooking, 2am videos, mooing.
*Weaknesses; run like a dressage horse, pace, mobile phones, coming home on time.
*Occupation; Grass Muncher/Cow Patter/Head of Systems
*If you could be any of your teammates, who would you be and why? It would be amazing to be Big Gay Bez, after seeing his Spider Pig on the way back from Camborne. If I could that, you wouldn’t be able to stop me- I’d be Spider Pig at work, at home, rugby, everywhere.
*Which teammate would you least like to have round for dinner? Kingy, he’s got an addiction to strangling people, though I might do that to myself if he starts spouting his liberal, left-wing, hippy crap.
*What hobbies do you have outside of rugby? I thoroughly enjoy laying thick cow pats and filling my car up with petrol and asking someone else to pay for it.
*Tell us something we don’t know about you- I once did a poo in Davina McCall’s shoe.
*What are your aspirations for this season? Stay injury free throughout the season, assist the team in getting those vital away wins which will help us build on last year and knock Kingy out.
Dave Cole is touch and go to be ready by kick off, after Russ Bolton sent him for a run around the posts for telling a Cranton joke, whilst Don Birch has agreed to let Lewis Jones play, after he kindly offered to pay his subs in £1 weekly installments, to be finally settled in 2021. It’s a warm welcome back to Ryan Long this week, who delayed his comeback from injury last Saturday, so he could be at the club’s Ladies’ Day, whilst Will Macaulay is another returnee, and he will be starting at openside flanker, now the Bowls season is finished.
Moroccan Martin will be tasked with navigating the bus, and has sensibly set aside 4 hours for the 90 minute journey, but in the best interests of his sanity, has instructed Boughy to refrain from drinking Stella until post 11am. Sam Hallett is delighted to be out injured, which means he can focus on shoplifting for the next few Saturdays, whilst Tom King is now able to concentrate on his primary hobby, hooliganism again, under the tutelage of Ted Keohane. Alex French has food poisoning, from a dodgy baguette, but should be bag in the mix next week.
Maids team (caps in brackets):
1. M Parrott (c) (183)
2. M Darlington (23)
3. A Darlington (25)
4. A Berry (4)
5. S Churchyard (77)
6. T Muil (4)
7. W Macaulay (37)
8. D Cole (20)
9. M Childerhouse (106)
10. W Runciman (22)
11. E Blewitt (15)
12. E Keohane (107)
13. N Crosley (2)
14. M Roddick (14)
15. O Foxley (1)
16. L Jones (80)
17. R Long (121)
18. R Hannigan (29)
Come on you Maids!